random resources

A totally random post just because I found this today. Be happy I didn't tell you about the owl pellet under the tree in my yard.

If you're a 4-Her or home schooler and you're into dogs, the AKC has some fun pencil paper activities and check the sidebar.

Cornell Cooperative Extension offers a book ($20) that may be focused on activities for older kids, not sure. PAWSitively Youth: A Guidebook about Dogs for Community Outreach Leaders

When things aren't what they appear.

There is an Emerging Kids tie-in here.

Professionals say blood tests are more reliable. They may be more expensive, I don't know. Then there's the needles . . . If we can trust the cheek swab results of the new wave of dog dna testing available to the public we're told that these two mutts are mostly rot (40%+, the shelter told us that) , German Shepherd Dog (20%+, the shelter told us that), German Short-haired pointer (20%+) and Australian Sheepdog (10%+). People just look at me. The world assumed that after rot/shepherd they were black lab. But their behavior was more of an anomaly than that.

My favorite trainer noticed all the herding dogs (even rots can be herders) but the pointer thrown in made him alittle thoughtful. My favorite dog day care person said, "that would explain their wierd nerve, it's an Aussie thing" not as in Australian - the breed didn't originate in Australia. Being around a group of other dogs with the opportunity to play wasn't fun for them even with mom out of the picture, even for Ellie the one who (I thought) liked playing with other dogs. Actually it was Nyah who's most apt to go off on other dogs who made a four-legged friend. But I'm told herding dogs aren't always the best candidates for playgroups. We didn't last very long.

They definitely herd. Ellie likes to wait in ambush for Nyah lying flat on the ground. They definately point when the spirit moves them - at least with their front paw cocked. Nyah downed for a small flock of pigeons under my feeder once. I asked someone who knows such things what kind of dogs down for birds. He said pointers hold a position but he didn't know of a frozen down. So herding might explain it. Herding might explain very socialized puppies playing and downing around a big Newfie puppy in a pen, too. Maybe it was fear or submission. Maybe it was a herding thing. We don't know. They love to swim. They like to chew - selectively- but they aren't exhuberantly friendly or food-aholic like labs. They're generally friendly but we have to be very careful with other dogs and strangers. They're really good when people come to the house but we start them behind the baby gate. They have to warm up on their own terms.

I've watched people work with full-blooded Rotties, GSD's, GSP's, and Australian Shepherds. Considering their particular mix and what we could be working with, we got a good deal but I have to stay watchful and keep working with them all the time! They're challenging. Still working on my courage. I can never let my guard down. We may never get off leash . . . did I say that? But they're the best dogs ever and such good teachers. Wouldn't trade 'um for the world!

I had to think of some direct Emerging Kids-related reason to tell you all this. Scientists say, assume horse, not zebra but sometimes the things that people think of as obvious may not be what they appear. Their appearance said one thing, some of their behaviors said something else. Sometimes words say one thing and behavior says something different. But actions speak louder than words and appearances. They may not speak louder but when they speak we'd do well to pay attention. How's that?

more about forgiveness

This is from a dog book. Don't laugh.

In her book, For the Love of a Dog Patricia McConnell says in her chapter on Anger, "...fear, adrenaline, and its relatives can take a long time to leave the body. This is one of the reasons it can be so hard to let go of anger. All of us have, at some point, been angry at a perceived injustice, only to discover that we were misinformed. But rather than immediately relaxing, it is common for us to still feel angry, even though the anger no longer makes any sense. That's because our bodies are primed for battle, and no matter how hard our rational brain tries to calm us down, it takes time for our internal chemistry to get back to normal." (For the Love of a Dog, Patricia McConnell, p. 177-8)

God made us that way. It takes a human, any creature, longer to calm down than it does to react. If my dog is charged and I call her off and she comes and I want to treat her for responding to me, if I give her the treat while she's still charged I lose some of that soft mouth. I get some teeth, not because she's neccessarily mad at me (though she may be) but because she's still charged up. [Praise is probably better than food reward unless you toss it in the air.]

McConnell goes on to say, this adrenalin is ". . . why it can be hard to calm down after someone apologizes to us. We may intellectually grant forgiveness, but our body's chemistry can't turn things around that fast." (For the Love of a Dog, Patricia McConnell, p. 177-8)

Apparently, the adrenalin that stimulates our flight or fight response compels our bodies to DO something. That's why doing some kind of physical work often helps us (and children) calm down when we're angry. We can work off that residual energy doing something constructive.

I've understood the part about adrenaline and anger but I never tied that into giving and receiving forgiveness.

My husband used to tell people (and the kids) that forgiveness is a choice. It's not dependent on how you feel. You chose to forgive, whether you feel like it or not because God forgives you. But looking back, I think that approach is confusing to kids - especially kids with strong feelings. My thoughts and feelings are at odds with each other. I chose to forgive, I said "I forgive you" but I don't feel any less angry. Are my thoughts telling me what's true or are my feelings telling me what's true? How do I know I've really forgiven someone if I don't feel like I have? Have I really forgiven them? A cool down period may help give the rational brain the upper hand but it doesn't neccessarily make the emotional memory go away. Over time (I think) continually choosing to forgive helps wipe away the emotional memory but it may not happen as quickly as we want it to. Making peace by sowing new seed a little at a time helps, too.

What do you think?

Exploring Possibilities 2 Infants/Toddlers

How can we enrich a child's worship experience?
Pull out your memories. Turn on your imagination.

[This may be overkill. I wasn't expecting infants and toddlers to take 4 posts. But maybe flooding like this will help you see the little things, the little ways that you can include even the youngest children in your worship life and your church life.]

Infants & Toddlers in worship. Stop cringing!

Infants & toddlers awake- at least some of the time! (They could be asleep, yes.) Awake is better -taking in sensations and information. They are processing information. They are learning. Repeat after me: "We WANT them to process information and learn about faith. Awake is good!"

"Sensations" - Think 5 senses, (even 6 senses - that of spirit). We are thinking about ways that the five senses can work together to nurture the spirit even in the very youngest, non-verbal sensory thinking feeling members of your community.

Taste What do children taste during worship?
- Bottles/nursing
- A special treat that's just for worship during the sermon, pastoral prayer - the longest most boring part of the service for children.
- A special flavor on a pacifier saved just for worship. You could change it with the church season. You're laughing. Don't laugh. I'm not talking about a marketing gimmick.
-Crackers/Juice that you save for communion (as your children get older.) NOT purple grape juice.
-your turn! What tastes do you associate with faith and worship? Are there tastes you remember as a child? Goldfish? Cheerios?

Smell What do children smell in the sanctuary?
- A baby would smell the person holding him/her
- Flowers
- Seasonal smells - Evergreens during Advent, Lillies during Lent/Easter, flowers, candle smells, incense,
- Cleaning supplies
- After service coffee
- Food cooking for the after service dinner (at Artisan)
- your turn! What smells do you associate with faith and worship?

Sight What do children see in the sanctuary?
- your turn! Make yourself small, high, low, sideways and upside down - Think infant. Think toddler!
- Did you notice the feather on the rug? The penny? The piece of paper? The paper clip?'
- What do you see at eye level (24 inches off the ground) ?
- Stained glass windows - Curtains, stairs, alter
- Candles, Flowers, Cross
- Smiles? Frowns?
- Seriously what do you see? Ask a pre-schooler (they aren't that far removed from toddlerhood but they can talk!)

Touch What do children touch in the sanctuary
- People Relaxed hold? Tense hold? Joy? Frustration? - Not just people touch (This I've learned from my dogs)
- Objects: carpet on sock feet, smooth slippery wooden pews, fabric covered chairs, cloth bound hymnbooks
- A fan, a heater - Keep going . . . make your own list
- Infants and toddlers want to touch and put things in their mouths. They learn about their world by touching. What can they safely touch in your sanctuary? Maybe we should intentionally leave things that teach about worship where young children can touch them . Put a special sticker or tag on the objects if you must so children and parents know this is something they can touch.

Sounds What do children hear in the sanctuary?
- including silence!
- Music, bells, voices, instruments, loud, soft, fast, slow
- Happy "what a sweet baby" voices, cooing, attention
- Pastor's voice, the voices of others, the voices of children
- birds, the cricket who insists on coming that no one can ever find . . .
....keep going...

Imagine - this is your first year at church - your first year on the planet! Most of our sensory memories (especially the memories we have as children) were never intentional. Some are good, some are bad. These memories elicit feelings.

Is it possible to pay more attention to sensory opportunities as a way to express hospitality - to welcome- infants and toddlers?

Postscript to Long Story

First, read the previous post (part 1 - the very long story.)

For those of you who read the previous post and, like myself, say "what good things?" Here they are:

-she went on the walk with me
-she went where I wanted to go even if she didn't.
-we changed direction (often)
-we walked by lots of things that used to scare her with much less fear
-the lady pushing the garbage bin
-at least 2 people on bikes
-the fire station
-more than two sirens
-one flashing lighted vehicle
-one leaf blower
-bumper to bumper traffic
-one dog with owners
-she didn't balk about going home or going into the yard a different way
-we made it home safe and sound
-no one I know was in the accident

Two days later: Every Veteran’s Day at around 6:30 am, the local university Army ROTC* platoon marches/jogs down my street singing loudly with flags furling and military display that we’re not used to en route to the Vietnam war memorial in the park. Nyah was good with the small first quiet group of cadets – no flags, singing etc. Thought they were done. Brought her in, brought, Ellie out and the whole singing, jogging/marching, flags furling, parade-like LARGE group of cadets comes down the other side of the street. Guess what! Ellie is fine. Sit, stay, no problem with loud male singing/chanting, jogging crowd of young men, neon vests, unusual flag furling, slow moving black vans . . .

“Hey Mom, this is interesting,” she said. Wrong. Despite her exceptional sit-stay, she didn't look at me. She was too intent watching everything.

…sigh…

You can call it "learning to see". The good fruit of hard work (working on the things that don't work.) You can call it "in everything give thanks." You can call it anything you want. We still have things to work on. We will always have things to work on. In the meantime, "in everything give thanks" will helps us see all the good things we need to see. Being the wise God He is, giving thanks keeps us from driving ourselves and all the people (and creatures) in our lives crazy.

Unless they hate hearing our stories . . .then that will drive them crazy.

A Story and a Question

A rather long story... I put this on my Facebook page last week but you get the extra question at the end.

Ellie and Nyah are my dogs. They are 3 1/2 years old, now. Nyah's usually up for an adventure and rarely refuses a walk. Ellie's been more reluctant to walk for the past few months. Why? She's not talking. If the girls take her down the sidewalk or in the park, she's fine. If she's burned out on walking in the cemetery, we even stopped walking in the cemetery for now. Ellie's always been more fearful. She used to skirt blowing plastic bags, garbage cans that randomly appeared on a walk, a paper blowing in the wind. We keep conquoring one fear after another but it seems there's always one more. Other times she's braver than Nyah. Go figure.

I took Nyah to the woods. We like the woods. I thought Ellie would be excited to go when she smelled Nyah had gone before her, but no. Thinking it’s still down time at the park at 4:00 (not many dogs) I say, we’re walking. We go out the side door instead of the front door so she comes. Does Ellie have me well trained, or not? We walk through the park.

Besides the fact that she's pulling & not paying attention she's not too afraid. So because she's really not paying good attention to me (on most days she's been doing really well) we detour around kids, people sitting where I wanted to walk, crazies at the Garden Center, teens smoking I don’t want to know, a boy flinging his rope around on one side of the street, a dog watching his kids on the other side. Because of all the detours we need to pass by the fire station - lesser of all evils. Right.

A lady rolls her trash can down the driveway. Ellie's good. We let a bike go by. Ellie’s being good. Ellie and I both think the fire station is evil, by the way. And the firemen are very nice people. She’s even being real good walking by the fire station - go figure. The fire alarm hasn't gone off more than once in 3+ year when we've walked by. But if anything big and scary is going to roll down the street it always seems to happen in front of the fire station. Snow plow, bus, rowdy firemen, bus, street cleaner, ambulance, noisy car, all of the above . . .

From far away I hear a siren. It comes to the corner but turns. Ellie's ok. While I’m being happy about that an ambulance comes up behind us, sirens blaring and some other random fire truck from out of no where comes by the other way. I stand close and cover her and she stays put. She doesn’t bolt for the street. When it's over she looks quite pleased with herself.

We keep walking down the sidewalk and turn the corner towards my house. All the traffic is bumper to bumper for some reason. We walk past the leaf blower. She does good. A bike is coming down the sidewalk. The bike girl rides on the street. I think she’s gone but there she is coming towards us on the sidewalk again. The bike goes past, Ellie's still good. By now I'm a wreck but I'm excited. The girl apologizes. Just as I take a deep breath I see the dog across the street - not just a dog but a big Malamute/Husky type dog walking with two people. The people see us, too. A good dog, but no matter, my dogs aren't predictable around other dogs, so rookie that I am, I avoid them. We walk in the cemetery to avoid dogs. I pretend not to see them and start jogging and Ellie stays with me. She doesn't bark or freeze or lunge after the dog. Pretty amazing...

Two police cars go by with lights, no sirens. Nice of them.

I breathe. I sit her. All the cars on the street have been at a standstill through most of this. Odd. I give her a treat. Some guy yells out of his car, "Good dog!" I hope it wasn't our trainer.

So THEN I get near my house and there’s a police car flashing at the corner. We climb the hill into the yard (a way we never go) to avoid the police car and Ellie's good with that. There was some accident just past the end of my driveway- about 3 police cars, a fire truck…. No one I know. Praise God.

Someone needs to desensitize ME to all these things and pops treats in my mouth. No treats. That won’t work. Don't like treats. I know! Let us off leash. Get us out of here!!! The best reward ever!

Why did I put this on Emerging Kids? You're parents and teachers and you run into this next question all the time. I want to know - for all the really good things that happened on this walk, why is it that I will only remember the bad stuff? If you go to My Smart Puppy it says "your dog can change but you have to change first." I think it applies to lots of things - us big people and our kids, too.

scattered thoughts about social politics

This is a presidential year but I have nothing to say about national politics. My husband listens and reads a lot from different sources. My daughter's very good friend is working for a regional candidate. All three are knowledgeable, thinking differently and though polite, quite vocal.

I do think about relationships and social politics - group politics - not because I like them or understand them. In my late 40's, I served on what turned out to be a very political school committee (which everyone knew but me long before they ever got involved)

I told a friend "I really hate politics."

She said, "Well, you can't be part of a group and avoid them."

And that was the day I realized why I don't particularly like groups.

Maybe it had something to do with starting kindergarten when I was 4 and being the youngest in my classes at school for the better part of 13 years. Maybe it had something to do with the cliques in Jr. High where I found it so frustrating that you couldn't just like everybody and be friends with everybody. Doesn't matter now. I always had a couple of friends. Not sure how.

I recently learned some great info about canine body language - a different but not so different side of social/relational. I've been doing work I really love, volunteering with people I didn't know very well but who knew each other before I did. It's a bit of a social/relational adventure but I love the work and the people.

So I thought about kids in groups, pondering things that Jesus said about human/relational social politics, things we probably take for granted but I don't know if we actually do them. If we take the things Jesus says seriously and do them, would the group social politics of churches, Sunday schools, and Christian schools look the same as they do in the world?

Do our classrooms look like secular classrooms? If so, why? Should they? How do we reinforce what Jesus teaches in our classrooms? I'm not saying we go for different so we appear different but if we do what Jesus says will our social dynamics look different from those of the rest of the world?

When I was little and in Sunday school I remember hearing the passage, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." and, being a child, I took it literally and being me I decided that I was going to live that way. I remember being very decisive about that. This was a traditional Presbyterian church my parents and grandparents attended - not evangelical or charismatic or Baptist. My sisters will tell you that I was still pretty bossy but I remember a distinct conflict between people telling me I needed to look out for myself and my doing what I understood that passage to mean. Then there was the other side of that passage: if I wanted people to leave me alone, I left them alone. I wouldn't ask someone else to do something I didn't want to do. The theory being in any relationship, if two people are looking out for each other the way he/she would look out for him/herself - one would loan the book and one would give it back or the loaner wouldn't care because every loan - every act of giving- is a gift freely given.

We visited a church one time. Apparently after children's church my youngest daughter (about 6 years old) had been given some new guest gift like candy or something. On the way to class one of the kids befriended her and said, looking at the candy, "Jesus wants us to share," and my daughter, being the conscientious child she was, shared her candy but she was pretty indignant. What do you do in a situation like that? Would you intervene?

Another story: a relative of mine (born-again believer) visited some family members (also born-again believers) in another church and the kids argued over who would bring her to Sunday school and get points for bringing a guest. My relative had a really hard time with that. She felt more like a treasured commodity than she felt like a treasured loved one.

Our own kids would get very very frustrated with us because for us it wasn't about who was right, who was wrong, or even what was just. It was about how you love people and how you respond when someone mistreats you. As the supervising adults, it usually meant adjusting things at both ends.

We have Paul's "one anothers" in the epistles but what does Jesus teach us about groups and social relationships? It appears that Jesus was interacting with groups of people all the time - some on a regular basis. What did it look like? What does it look like for children interacting with one another?

How do we reinforce and model His teaching in our classrooms and churches? How did Jesus model? teach? correct and adjust?

We can regurgitate what we've been taught and what we think we know, but it's never wrong to keep going back to the scriptures to read, listen, and observe. If the spirit of Christ Jesus is living in us He'll continually open up His Word to show us things we didn't or couldn't see before. We'll never stop growing and changing - because we want to know Him and He's promised that if we seek Him with all of our hearts He'll let us find Him.

Fun discovery!

I knew there are many many many kinds of service dogs and therapy dogs. I knew there are organizations training dogs for autistic children. There are dogs who warn children (and adults) of seizure and low blood sugar. I didn't know there are organizations training service dogs as "ministry dogs" - check this out! If you have a wonderfully obediant social dog and you take him/her literally everywhere you go, including worship services, even loud worship services, you are probably creating your own ministry dog.

Service dogs are social but one person dogs by necessity. Most therapy dogs love everyone. I met a staff member from a children's resident rehab facility a few months ago who has a dog who is both and she said it's unusual to find both qualities in the same dog as needed, intuitively and at her direction. Her dog is a dog like that.

If you live in the area where the [NEADS] Laura J. Niles Early Learning Center is located and you don't want a dog for yourself or your kids but you and your kids love dogs, check this out! They have a puppy petting program. Looks like you can go for an hour on a weekday afternoon and just pet and play with puppies! (You're actually helping the organization socialize their dogs. It's called puppy socialization - one of, if not the best thing, you can do for your dog.) How cool is that!

(see tags below - "local" to someone but not to me! kids in community as in "out in the community", serving? no! too much fun - this is a service to the people training service dogs and to those who will someday own and use these dogs, and random speaks for itself!)

Puppy Update

Did I tell you we had victory at the vets? God is good. We did the party approach. Took Ellie and Nyah together and two kids. Ellie actually let the vet come within 2 feet of her and almost touch her - no teeth or aggressive wierdness. We spent the better part of this year playing with a scarf muzzle, hugging, restraining, brushing, playing Fisher-Price doctor kit games with lots of hotdogs-even without hotdogs . They always run to their crate and hide after the painless flea med application but now, Ellie comes back out of her crate faster than Nyah. I have funny wierd dogs. We keep working on Ellie and social every time I pick up flea and heartworm meds. Nyah was good. She likes the vet - not going to the vet but she likes the vet.

Woke up yesterday morning and looked at Nyah sleeping on the floor in my room and it looked like she'd gone to the emergency room and had her paws wrapped while I was sleeping. Tape. Random white tape. Nobody seems to know how or what or where she found it. I soaked both paws with a wet cloth thinking it would come off easier. One paw went pretty quickly. Not too traumatic. I could step on the end, she walked away and the tape came off but she was pretty distraught. Think fur and paw pads here.

Most of it was loose enough that we could do a little of Mom holding tape and Nyah pulling away. With the long pieces we tried Mom stepping on the end of the tape and Nyah pulling. It worked pretty well but not fun for the dog. Tape kept coming off but there was always more. When we did it outside (so she had an outdoor place to pee) she just wanted to bolt. Hotdogs were pretty irrelevant. Kept soaking her feet with a wet wash cloth. That was ok. Lots of breaks inbetween. By the time I left the house (2 1/2 hours) most of it was off except for the bottom of one paw. While I was gone, the kids took her out to play and run and get wet. By the time I got back (5 hours later) it was all clear.

Today, she's my friend again but out of sorts. Have no idea where she found it to begin with. None of us do. The days of hanging out waiting for young adults kids to come home after Mom goes to sleep are over. I should have taken a picture. It really was wrapped up enough to look like a bandage. I'm thinking she will never again touch a roll of anything sticky or she will never again touch a trash can. Either way, not all bad unless her stomach looks like her foot. Then we're in big big trouble.

We don't get bored around here.

Random Tales About the Quest for Stewardship II

Working teens. Some of our parenting is tight. Some not and Dad travels a lot. I probably gave my kids alot more freedom than most parents around us. Sometimes I regretted it. But sometimes learning by trial and error is more effective than telling kids what to do and what not to do. Sometimes a child experiencing a little pain or disappointment because of a choice them made alone is more effective than the punishment or discipline of a parent. The parent's not associated w/the correction when they fail. (Too much dog training but it applies) Shy, obedient, dependent-for-direction kids learn to trust themselves. Mom and Dad didn't make it happen. They made a good choice without direction from someone else. They survived.

The down side is that often the consequences of learning by trial and error are far greater than consistant compassionate discipline. You discipline to give a child a taste of greater consequences hoping to train them to make wise choices to avoid the greater consequences. But your goal isn't for them to be afraid of making mistakes or taking risks or interacting with lots of different people and situations. Your goal is to have thinking kids making wise choices in any situation. You want them to be able to think on their own. You have to consider how your children (and students) learn. You can teach by trial and error and discovery but you have to control the situation in such a way that they actually learn and succeed without hanging themselves and without someone hauling you to court for negligence. Sometimes it backfires. Start little! Start early! But this is discipline, not stewardship. Maybe they're related.

So here we are. Working teens. It's healthy for them to work but they really don't need that money for day to day expenses and there isn't anything they're motivated to save for. They learn the connection between working and earning. They learn to deal with customers and work for a boss who isn't family. I can urge them to save but they worked hard to earn the money they earned and it's theirs, not mine. I want them to make choices and experience consequences while they're still under my roof. They don't ask for money. That's a good thing - maybe. But as parents, we no longer control a valuable motivational resource. Ok, too much dog training.

Saving would be a better choice than having daily access to all that hard-earned money. They could save to pay their way through college but going to college is more our choice than theirs so not a big motivator. They earn more money than they need but not enough to be financially independent**. (They never ran away. Thank God!) They earne just enough to allow each of them to live in a house of 7 with a little more financial independence than younger siblings. They never asked for money in high school. Had they saved in high school, they wouldn't have asked for as much in college.

For one of my children, in particular, having money didn’t teach her stewardship. It did, however, make her one of the very best shoppers you will ever know. By the time she was 20, she knew all the mistakes you can make when you shop. When her siblings go clothes shopping they bring her. They swear that the best deals you'll ever see randomly appear on the racks when she walks into a store. Buying things 75% off that you know you'll have to buy full price is wisdom. But buyer BEWARE! Just buying things because they're on sale thinking "some day I'll use this," will fill your house with STUFF you don't need. Clutter is anything you don't want, need or use - anything that just takes up space. Having what you need and only what you need isn't, in itself, stewardship***. Having everything you need with enough to give away might be, if you're giving things away.

But, would you believe it? There's a down side to giving! This particular shopping child is also a Giver - with a capital G, like her father and grandmother before her. The child brings random stuff home out of the goodness of her heart and returns to her apartment and we all look at her bags of love and generosity and sigh because now we have stuff we don't need or won't use we run out of people to give it to. And we want to cry out to my sweet, giving, shopping-for-entertainment, creative-but-bored (& perhaps lonely) child, "STOP BUYING!! STOP, STOP, STOP!!! But just talking doesn’t help. She has a room mate now whose faith and life choices she respects and who lives very frugally. That helps!

* Some of my other kids spend very little of the money they earn. They save it or (buy books). Nobody even had to ask or coerce them to save, they just don't spend money for much.
**Sometimes you can earn too much to qualify for school scholarships.
***Google "hoarding". Don't get too paranoid but they've tied it to mental disorders.

Two Black Pup...I mean dogs...

If you want a great way to photograph black dogs so you can see their wonderful expressive faces, my kids did this for me and put it on my desktop when I was gone. I was quite impressed. I even printed it on wide graph paper to think about quilting possibilities. The blue lets you see the light and dark.

There's probably some interesting far-reaching profound spiritual truth to learn...using blue to see light and dark, lol! But that's not why I'm writing this.

Nyah and Ellie turned 3 yrs old the end of May 2008. This week they had their first 4 hr road trip - first two nights away from home, cows, new sights, sounds, people. They didn't stress out. Mom didn't stress out. We done good.

They stayed with my son and parents while I picked up pizza. They stayed for a 1/2 hr alone while we got ice cream. They were good for an hour in my sister's garage. Walked in another city 2x and down two dirt roads without dislocating my finger joints. They didn't mug my parents, bark at cows, eat any cats, lunge through the patio screen door after the dog next door when he wandered around off leash. They didn't electrocute themselves sniffing the fence, run across the street in front of any infrequent but 50 mph cars. They didn't freak at the sprayer vehicle, tractors, pick up trucks or fork lift. They didn't run away or eat the insurance man ... really! They didn't like him but they didn't eat him!

Call it Empty Nest Syndrome if you must . . . The robin's nest in my mulberry tree is indeed empty. I watched them build it this spring. The babies were here and gone. Fast - really fast.

And what does this have to do with anything? Nothing - except that when I'm discouraged, I can come back and read this and say, I may not believe it today but we are indeed making progress.

Write down your successes so when you get discouraged you can remind yourself that good things are happening. You're not in the same place you were last year or 5 years ago. God is good. If good things aren't happening, God is still good. You may change, everything else may change, but He won't.

Kids can do that, too. They can draw pictures, write journal entries, take photos, make collages or save tiny treasures to help them remember that no matter what's happening today, God doesn't change. God is faithful. God is good!

Revelation in odd places

I was listening to our favorite dog trainer one day in a class or lecture and he made a profound observation. It was profound as it relates to dogs but even more profound when you think about the kingdom of God. He was working with some people in a shelter in another town. [Picture this in columns] They had bios/case studies for various and sundry dogs, the behaviors that needed to change, the prognosis, and the plan to change the behavior (that's the gist of it, anyway.)

His question to the shelter workers was this - if you tear off the bios/the case study column for each of the dogs and throw it away, will it affect the behavior, the prognosis or the plan to change the behavior that you want to change? The answer was no. His comment was that attaching blame for yesterday doesn't help you fix the problem today - it doesn't change anything. You still have to deal with a recurring behavior that you have to change in order to keep the dog. (Hopefully, you want to keep the dog.) You have to keep moving forward.

If we dwell on the past. It doesn't help us fix today. Yes, we learn from our mistakes. Creatures learn from their mistakes if they're going to survive. But they also move on because they have to survive. We apply it to our own lives and to the children in our care. You do what you have to do to keep moving forward. When learning something determines whether or not you survive, you keep working at it until you get it. If you're afraid, you let God coax you forward until each step, each encounter, gets easier than the one before.

We have to focus on reinforcing and rewarding the behaviors we need today to replace of the old ("old" as in old and destructive not just because they're old) and we have to do it one day at a time. Maybe that's a little of what being a "new creation" is all about. With dogs (and kids, too) praise for a job well done and for making good choices, hard choices - praise goes a long way towards reinforcing the constructive behavior you want.

You can take the idea way out of the realm of behaviorism - the power of patient encouragement and forgiveness helps people move on and grow into new people. God still works supernaturally. I've seen Him do it. Sometimes He changes us on the inside and it shows on the outside, other times changing the outside eventually changes the inside. God is at work, either way. We partner with Him, either way. We praise Him, either way. Why you have to deal with this or that isn't really relevant anymore. You just have to do it. You can call it behaviorism or anything you want to but in the end, both the process and the result look like love to me.

LCW: not the end...

Richard Louv's Last Child in the Woods has a surprise ending as all well-written works should - a surprise, but not.

I found all these blog tags in this book: generations, inspiration, justice, kids in community, language, puppies (because they're creatures), questions, random, relational, resources, pondering, roots, stewardship, story, teaching learning, worship

Paul Gorman: (founder, director of the National Religious Partnership for the Environment, Amherst, MA) "To the extent that we separate our children from creation is the extent to which we separate them from the creator - from God..." (LCW p. 293)

"Just as many places of worship are going green, environmental organizations are increasingly likely to evoke the spiritual...Faith-based environmentalism can create strange bedfellows and powerful unions. . . Potentially, places of worship could be more important institutions than schools in connecting the young with the natural world. 'More and more people of faith, as they grow in their awareness of the connection between nature and religion, are bringing nature into the discussion,' says Gorman. 'But you have to start with parents. First and above all is for parents to understand this connection itself. The future is not about designing curriculum. It's about awakening to creation. Kids have to feel that this connection is vital and deep in their parents. They see through us all the time . . . as the connection becomes more vivid to us, our commitment to it becomes more authentic, and children respond to that authenticity. The most important thing is the awakening. That joy of awakening and discovery is what it's like to be a child." (LCW p. 295-6)

Do you hear the connection? Mr. Louv sites a lot of research to support his position, and you can use research to say whatever you like but there are some interesting observations. I'm more impressed with the wisdom. There's a lot of catch 22 - in order to change this, you have to change that. We don't always know what the consequences will be. I also like the fact that Louv is quick to listen to the other voices who join in the discussion, though he may not agree. He's spoken with lots of parents and children and teachers and leaders of organizations.

There are always cross-roads. There are always choices to make. There's always something we take for granted. It's easier than we think to turn around and discover that the thing we took for granted is suddenly gone. It really wasn't sudden. We made choices and no one warned us - or maybe someone warned us but it wasn't a priority at the time. Maybe it wouldn't be gone if we'd been better stewards - if we hadn't taken it for granted. Maybe whatever we lost wouldn't be gone if only we'd . . .

LCW: Fear and Trust

Ok. I'm about 20 pages from the end of Last Child in the Woods by Richard Louv. It takes me a while but I finish them either because of this blog or because I promise the book to someone when I'm done. I mentioned it to a new-friend-also-Mom-to-an-8- year-old (yes, and-a-puppy-mom). They like to spend time outside. I mentioned it when I first starting reading it. Now, every time I see her she asks me if I've brought her the book and every time I see her I'm not done. Next time I'll be done.

Here is an example of the parent wisdom woven through these pages. Again, as he's advocating that we find ways to get our kids outside as individuals, as families, as schools, and through other organizations you'll also discover thin golden threads about parenting in today's world.

I was impressed with this:

"Don't just tell your kids about evil; teach them about good - teach them to seek out adults who can help teach them about good - teach them to seek out adults who can help them when they feel threatened. Teaching appropriate trust is more difficult than teaching fear, but just as important." (LCW p. 181-182) Encouraging healthy social interaction with good-hearted, trustworthy, caring adults will help kids learn to recognize the people they can trust.

He goes on for a couple more pages talking about parent-child relationships. He believes that children who are emotionally vulnerable are the children most at risk. (LCW p. 183-186) He says that although the physical dimensions of parenting and protection are important, the emotional bonds can offer even greater protection. Isolation isn't what will protect them, but socialization and healthy ongoing love, communication, and availability from their grown ups. It will help kids learn to discern good and evil. It will help them have the courage and emotional strength to say "no" when they need to and to know who to trust. A difficult task, indeed.

Don't laugh. The same applies to puppies.

But not during vacations...

Ok. The museum is still worth visiting but very crazy and very loud.

Oh yeah, this week all the kids are out of school!!!

So don't go Spring break unless you don't mind mild chaos or walking a block or two when all the parking spaces are taken. And next time I'll stop and read all the quotes about "play" on the wall so I can share them here!

My friend and I had a really good time trailing her 3 and 6 year olds around. So much to see and do and hear. I'm out of shape keeping track of kids in wild stimulating environments. I haven't visited the museum in a very long time. They've added so many activities and spaces. I haven't been around ALOT of kids having a really good time going in all different directions in a very long time either.

Did I use to have 5 kids 2 years apart give-or-take? Did I use to take all five of them to wildly stimulating places like that on a regular basis by myself without blinking an eye?

And how did I do that? Good question.

Probably at off hours, not at rush hour. Probably in lifeguard mode counting 1-2-3-4-5. My math skills stink but I was really good at counting to five.

And I didn't lose anyone?

Well . . . only a couple of times. It was usually momentary - give or take 30-40 minutes. My daughter will probably never forgive us. Ever. She loves to tell the stories. And do you think there's a reason that it was usually the same child?

We didn't lose anyone - not permanently, anyway. We still have the same five we started with. Ok, they've changed a little.

I may be spending too much time alone with two quiet puppies and I may be enjoying those long periods of quiet aloneness WAY too much!

only in my yard

Ok. I am the emerging kid here . . . the ongoing saga of my city yard . . . apart from the kamakaze squirrels who dare show their squirrelly faces in my yard when the dogs are off-leash . My dogs are quite good, considering. But they are in fact dogs. No more generalizations or observations about my dogs. They inevitably prove me wrong. But I digress

I drive in my driveway and I notice the cat. My neighbor feeds cats so it's not unusual to see a cat in my yard . My husband is so allergic to cats (and my daughter), otherwise I'd probably have a couple of my own . . .

I see the cat. The cat is facing south but looking at me (we'll call that looking west) . Lo and behold not 15 feet from the cat facing north but looking east the woodchuck has emerged from under the shed. First time I've seen him this season. I'd take a picture to prove it but they were a little too far apart to get in close enough, amateur that I am. Besides, they would have run away. They're about the same size, wild and domestic, that close together, staring in opposite directions, oblivious to each other (I think) . . . a good thing, probably . . . but hey, maybe they were playing together before I drove in the driveway and they were just angry. Who would know, right? The stuff of tall tales, I mean tails.

Seriously, somehow I think this could only happen in my yard.

When you read about the lion and the lamb, think of us.

And think of my Lollypop Farm quilt, too. If you look closely you'll see little children here and there. Not all that creative but it was a fun idea. (and The Craft Connection has lots of fun animal fabric.)

Not true!

God (and my dogs- another story) are making a liar out of me this week. Did I say spring is coming to upstate NY? Did I say something about geese flying back? Let's blame it on the geese. The geese lied.

As of this writing (March 29th, 7:30 am), it's 29 degrees outside and it looks like this:
















If you look at these pictures you might think, "Someone had a snowball fight,"















If, however, you had been walking your dogs in the same place yesterday you would know that the trees are the ones throwing, or rather dropping, the snowballs
















My parents are 4 hours away. They lost electricity and heat for a few hours. And they stayed home.

But here it was just enough to make the painting without destroying the canvas. The temperature must have stayed constant for more than 24 hours and we must have had almost no wind because the same snow covered branches were still staring at us last night at 7:30 . It was still light outside! Still light outside? Yes, it's supposed to be spring.

So you can look at all this scientifically or you can use the opportunity to imagine yourself 400 years in the past and think of some wonderfully mythical story explanation for a midnight snowball fight and trees that magically look like this overnight.

Either way, of course, marvel at God's handiwork.
















I wonder if we choose the scientific explanations because we want our kids to grow up or whether it's because we understand the truth of science but we don't understand the truth of story. I wonder if 400 years ago stories of snow fairies and leprechauns helped grown-ups keep their sense of wonder - their only defense against losing childhood so quickly to their hard-scrabble existence.

I may wonder about odd things. It's fun! Take time to wonder with your kids. Better still, listen to your children wonder. You could share your wonder with them. Let them share their wonder with you.

Knowing 2

After having written what you just read I opened Children Matter. The authors are talking about teaching and learning. They ask: "How can you tell when someone has learned something? How do you know when you have learned something? What does it mean to 'know'?"[CM p. 257]

If you teach a subject and the kids ace the test, you figure they've learned something. But one child can put together a perfect portfolio of projects and fail the test. Another can ace the test and fail miserably when the instructor reviews his portfolio of work. If you train someone to do a job, you know someone knows what you've trained him to do if he can do the job. Yet someone who's been working in a field for 30 years has an intimate knowledge of what he's doing and that knowledge is different than the most skilled and intuitive rookie. The rookie may be able to ace an exam or evaluation and know all the right answers on the job. The veteran may look at the test questions and fail because he knows that the answers to such questions aren't always black and white when you're on the job. Who knows more?

What does it mean to "know?" How does it happen? Think about the different forms knowledge takes. What makes wisdom different? What drives a person to want to know more? How do we fan the fires of personal initiative and the passion to learn? How do we manage to snuff it out?

What does it mean to "know?" The authors share the Biblical definition. As Christian educators, they emphasize,"...if learning does not result in change toward godliness, it is not true learning." [CM p. 257] They share a very precise and useful sequence for knowing and learning from Isaiah 41:17 -20, [CM p. 258], a sequence we could consider formulaic but it's also "complex...interrelated, holistic" still leaving room for the Holy Spirit to do His job. The authors are more focused and specific than I: "God's story must be kept at the center of these connections." [CM p. 258] Through all the learning that we do, God's story must be kept somewhere at the center of knowing...

Knowing 1

Take a walk with me.

The cemetery across the street is more like a Victorian park than a dour scary place. Lots of famous graves and stories live there. But, at the same time, it's alive. Crows, hawks, swallows, wrens, nuthatches, woodpeckers, ducks, a heron, woodchucks, chipmunks, squirrels, a rabbit, trees, flowers, poison ivy, and a deer - lots of living things live there, too. People come paying respect to loved ones who have passed on. People stroll with the living, walk their dogs, take pictures and make rubbings for graphic design classes. If you walk somewhere often enough, and you're paying attention, you get to know it. You get familiar with the places you walk, the places you live, the places where you spend your time.

Why do I walk in this cemetery? It's 100+ acres nearby, outside but not isolated. We also have a nice park but we find more dogs and people there and after two years Mom's still working on social-with-dog. My confidence grows slowly. In the cemetery, I can see dogs and people coming and decide if I want to go closer or change direction. Nyah tends to ignore the other dogs, the stones interrupt her view. She'd rather sniff. Ellie overcomes some of her fears walking beside different sized inanimate objects, moving flags, and pin wheels. She'd rather sniff, too. And again, the stones block her view. All and all they give me much better attention, our unexpected encounters with dogs and people keep getting better. My confidence keeps growing (though slowly) and I'm getting to know my dogs better.

When I was a kid, if I could get away with it, I'd wander through the cemetery between Sunday School and church and conveniently forget to return until after the service started. Then I'd hang out in the nursery and help with the kids. Church was boring. I think once, when our Sunday school class took a walk out there someone pointed out the graves of children explaining how children died young from disease and how common it was for mother and child to die at birth.

I learned some arithmetic (maybe the only arithmetic I ever learned) subtracting dates because I wanted to know how old the children were when they died.

I went to the cemetery office the other day to ask about a very large monument of a dog and a child. It's out of the way but quite large so I presume it cost plenty in the late 1800's. I was curious to know if there was any connection to the humane society. Don't think there is. But the lady in the cemetery office was really excited to have someone interested to know more about one of these once living people. That may sound a little macabre but it wasn't.

That's when I got thinking about people wanting to know more - people looking for connections both with the people around them and with people who have passed on.

I was thinking about the desire to find out more and to "know," to understand, to know information- in depth information, to know people stories - family histories, histories of "important" people. I was thinking about the desire to connect, to know and be known - basic day to day social friendships and more intimate relationships. I was thinking about the desire to know God. I'm wondering whether we're just hard-wired to want to know and to connect. I'm wondering if we're hard wired to want to know and be known because God made us that way. He knows us already. Maybe He's hoping that when the things we find out or learn fail to fill the void He left for Himself, we'll ultimately come looking for Him, to know Him. Sometimes we come to know Him better through the connections we make with people and the things we learn. But sometimes we come to know Him better when all those things fail.

I took the long way around but it's not too far-fetched, is it?

CM:Teaching Learning - Learn to See

If I tell you everything that jumps out at me I'd be retelling what they've already published. But hear are some random questions:

Do you make time and space for your children to encounter God? How? When? Where? [CM p. 252] Watch and listen to you children: At what point when you have a wonderful experience together (yes, it can even be a "learning" experience) at what point do you find you and/or your children looking up at God (literally or figuratively) full of wonder, adoration, praise, thanks, awe....

Open your eyes. Look. See. Notice when a child or even when you, yourself, are "engaged in [your] own learning." I'm a rookie learning to help with dog obedience classes. One of the hardest things to do is to learn to see. Timing rewards and corrections is critical. Relaxing and having fun is critical, too. But seeing...a good teacher, a good coach, a good trainer is someone who can see. One of the qualities that endears God to me is that I know He sees.

"...[C]hildren are not just part of the church tomorrow. They are part of the church today...children learn as part of a community that is committed to their development." [CM p. 256] When and where are the children around you learning? How are they learning? I don't mean "in the classroom at 10 pm every Sunday morning". I mean the things that they take away and keep doing. The things that surprise you. The things you didn't "teach" them. The things that change how they think and how they act - the things that change them.