Yesterday I was standing in line with my teenaged daughter. She needed a winter coat. In front of us was a little girl sitting in a cart who happened to be three. The little girl took something from a box of left over Halloween impulse buys and the mom pointed to the side of the box where it said "4 years and up" .
her mom: "What number is that?"
girl: "4"
mom:"How old are you?"
girl: "3"
mom: "I think it's too old for you"
The little girl put it back in the box. End of story.
I was impressed and told the mom that. She said, "I'm a teacher. So I've learned a lot of little things like that."
I said, "As a mom of five I'm impressed. Really impressed." She smiled.
After they checked out, Jenny said to me, "Yeah, when she's five the mom can say, 'I think it's too young for you.'" That would work if you're more intelligent than your children.
That being true, it gives you until the child turns about 6 when she can read words like "and" "up" . At that point she'll just be excited to read the words but she won't really understand the implications. By 7 or 8 (when she understands the implications) she'll be so well trained (maybe) she won't even notice impulse buys in which case it won't matter whether she can read and understand the age range or not.
On the other hand there is the possibility she could figure out what you've been doing for five years. She could get really upset with you and never trust you again . . .
. . . or she could just laugh.
Cultivating a child's sense of humor would be an interesting topic. . .
You start seeing yourself when older siblings start pulling your tactics on younger siblings. That's when you decide whether it was actually as good an idea as you thought it was.
Anyway, as I say, for the moment I was impressed. :)
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I see this kind of parenting a lot. It is simply managing a child instead of teaching a child responsibility and discernment. A child will not learn to avoid impulse buying through this, or anything else for that matter other than black-and-white rules approach to things.
ReplyDeleteThat child deserves more than simply being told no. What did the child pick up? Why did she pick it up? What about it drew the child's attention? Does the child need any more stuff?
What that mom did was not parenting. It was managing... she applied classroom MANGAGEMENT to her parenting. Running a classroom and parenting a child are two different things.
I think how that mom is parenting her child is a disservice. If that parenting plays through the rest of that child's life, she will grow up with a list of rules and will ultimately rebel from those rules or grow up in ignorance of what grace and mercy are.
Yes, I do applaud parents for being parents and not giving in to their children, but it must be done in a way to foster discernment and responsibility. To simply tell your child that the box says 4 years old and up and that she is too young because she is 3 is lying to your child about the real reason she shouldn't be getting that toy, or whatever.
We need to remember that we, as parents, are raising adults. We have to be intentional with what we are saying and doing and think through the future implications of how we parent instead of simply trying to control our children.
"We need to remember that we, as parents, are raising adults. We have to be intentional with what we are saying and doing and think through the future implications of how we parent instead of simply trying to control our children." Well-said, Henry! Thanks!
ReplyDeleteCheck out Henry's blog at http://elementalcm.blogspot.com/