Pondering discipline

I keep thinking that I'm done posting for this season but I guess not!

Emerging Parents has a nice post about discipline. I think their whole month of November is about discipline.

The line that jumped out at me was this: Sarah said, "I don't believe that gentle discipline equates to sparing the rod, but to me that rod signifies the guidance of a shepherd's staff, not an instrument of physical punishment." The shepherd's staff - more a tool for guidance than for punishment.

The church didn't teach me to read the scriptures that way, or to think that way. There was, however, a book years ago called A Shepherd Looks at the 23rd Psalm by Phillip Keller. It was a wonderful book. Very insightful. It's still in print! I remember that one of the things he said that struck me at the time was that a western shepherd drives his sheep but an eastern (Middle East) shepherd calls his sheep and they follow him. A different relationship. My father, a dairy farmer, once told us how stupid sheep are. At the time, he didn't understood why God compared us to sheep.

I don't know if this came from the book, but even if someone with livestock has no compassion, a good business person doesn't beat and destroy their stock - if only because their livestock is an asset, a business investment. Yet, when we hear about the rod in Proverbs we assume it's a rod for beating. That's what we're told. For generations (and even today) in many cultures children, animals, even women, were beaten to get them to comply. Yet, in any of those cultures, I want to think there are wise farmers more apt to lure an animal with a pail of grain.

As I read Sarah's comment, I was thinking back. Often, if you were herding cows you might carry a stick so you could reach farther than the length of your physical arm to keep an animal from getting past you. It would help you keep them from going somewhere you didn't want them to go or guide them in the direction you did want them to go. You might even use it for a gentle nudge. If I understand the scriptures correctly, wrath wasn't God's first response towards Israel when they did wrong. Yet even the long-suffering God who is Love gets angry and punishes His people when He has to.

Proverbs 22:5-7 uses the word, "train" - "train up a child in the way he/she should go... " But the passage doesn't mention spanking or beating. The passage we wrestle with, the passage that implies physical punishment is Proverbs 23:12-14. If you check out the word "beat" in Bible Gateway that passage is the only passage out of 75 that refers to children, unless you see children as fools.

Someone who views a child as a fool might include all the references to "fool" (another word study) which would inevitably guide his/her parenting. Children may not be mature wise adults but it doesn't appear that Jesus considered them fools. Jesus does, however, talk about fools. Some versions define "Raca," as "you fool!" It's a problem when we assume someone is a fool and that the only way to teach and train them is with harsh discipline. Do you see the road to abuse? "Fool!" beating, murder . . . It's our job as parents and teachers to love the children in our care and teach them wisdom so they aren't fools . . . but . . .if I read scripture correctly, we're all fools! You might convince a fool, a child, an animal, to behave a certain way in order to avoid the pain. But, as someone else said, learning to avoid pain doesn't require a change of heart, just a change of behavior.

It's interesting that Jesus uses the word "teach" not "train" in Matthew 28, "teaching them to obey all that I've commanded you." Do some word searches on Bible Gateway: "beat," "blows," "train," "teach," "child," "fool."

Training is different from teaching. I'm learning about training from my dogs. I hope I'm learning about teaching, too. Hopefully, the day will come when I don't need a pocketful of hot dogs to reinforce their "Come." Hopefully, some day they will just come. Some days I marvel at all they've learned. Other days I know we're still training. We may forever be "still training." Some dogs are harder to train than others. Some trainers get better results when they use corrections wisely with generous rewards and praise. Some trainers never need a correction. It depends on the dog. I've read that a mother dog understands that. She corrects each of her pups differently, as they need it. A wise handler finds out what motivates his/her dog. A good parent is willing to find out what motivates their child - the good choices and the bad. Easier said than done. Our kids changed their likes and dislikes if we tried to use such things to change their behavior. Sigh...

To let my dogs run free, I have to trust that they'll listen to me and come when I call. But it's the best reward! They also have to trust me and respect my leadership so they choose to come even when they'd rather follow whatever I'm calling them from. Either way, I need to keep them safe. Some training is training to learn good manners or to do a job. A lot of training is for safety "whether you like it or not." As always, easier said than done.

We don't equate children with animals but they are baby humans who need us to love, train, and teach them. They weren't created to be independent creatures from the day they were born. We can learn a lot about parenting watching animals parent their children. They usually have less than a year to teach their children how to survive and thrive in their social environment. I bet we can learn a lot about the God who made them, too - if only that He may not be as harsh as we've made him out to be.

You can also think of kids as young vines to prune and train to stay on the fence so their fruit can get enough sun and ripen without rotting in the dirt. I like all the living examples in scripture. Interesting. Living examples from a Living God who keeps helping us learn how to live.